I found this to be one of your better pieces in awhile, and it is not just because your experiences echo my own.
When I do chores I tend to ruminate on the past. Yesterday I found myself daydreaming that I had successfully retired in Colombia and years afterwards took my ex (who lives now in Mexico) on a trip to Peru which she always dreamed of visiting. We had fun on the trip as if we were in our 40s again. The dream was soothing. As you so poignantly explored, though, if she was dead, it would not have been so soothing.
As Khalil Gibran points out in The Prophet it is a mercy that death and rebirth draws a veil of forgetfulness across our lives. In reality, though, each day is as fresh a start as a new birth if we learn to extend some of that mercy to ourselves.