I’ve had 25 years of faithful monogamy after having a vasectomy and before that 10 years of the same. After 35 years of regular non-condom sex, just out of curiosity I had sex with my wife using a condom. It was significantly less enjoyable.

Also out of curiosity, we tried a dental dam during cunnilingus. Again, significantly less enjoyable.

It seems hypocritical for woman to demand condom use without also demanding dental dam use.

If people want to play the odds with STDs they risk outright condemnation, though statistically that risk is probably lower than having an auto accident during a night out on the town. The cultural demands on women to trade sex for commitment to the ideal of romantic monogamy, means that women will probably be less willing to take the STD/pregnancy risk then men. In this regard it seems a little disingenuous for women who don’t demand dental dam use to vigorously condemn men willing to play the STD odds by wanting to not use a condom. Pregnancy is a different factor; though I suppose most younger men would readily consent to condom use for vaginal sex to avoid pregnancy in exchange for good cum in the mouth oral sex. The problem is that few young people have the self confidence to talk about all this.

My guess is that on the first few times having sex most guys won’t really argue much against using a condom. If they are smart they should use dental dams as well. Over time if the relationship develops and both are willing to commit to monogamy in exchange for regular non-latex sex then they should be willing to invest the time and money in medical STD testing as well.

The enduring problem seems to be that, over time, the promised benefits of monogamy often don’t materialize (read the book, Sex At Dawn, about the evolutionary biology reasons for the failings of the Standard Narrative about romantic monogamy).

The problem is that people want the pleasure without the work. The “work” is the honesty required within intimacy. Insecure people, unfortunately, rarely apply for this work.

If a younger women just wants safe non-latex sex, she could commit to a monogamous relationship with a fit, sterilized, single older man. I’m sure she would find many takers as long as she also commits to regular sex without excessive financial or emotional demands.

As you can see there is no easy answer to all this. What is ironic is that people willing to admit promiscuous desires are probably the most trustworthy in terms of admitting whether or not they have been promiscuous.

I suppose the middle way for single people is full latex sex (condom AND dental dam) until trust is established and medical testing is undertaken. Then, if the testing shows both are clear, non-latex sex until the negative effects of monogamy out weigh the extra pleasure that non-latex sex provides.

SGI Buddhist, Loves Irish and Latin American Literature, History buff, knows a great deal about Medicare

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