Now that I am dating again this experience also makes me more aware of MY responsibility to be forthright with others as well. My friends have been teasing me, saying that I was the woman in that relationship — wanting to talk about and compare our levels of arousal. Now I see what a delicate process it is, and more difficult from the woman’s side since men are a physical threat. I don’t care how worried I am about hurting the other person’s feelings, I’m going to be very forthright about my level of sexual attraction. I have set up dates with women recently who are less sexually attractive to me than others and I know I will like them and have a delightful time, but I will need to very grounded and clear with them if we pursue physical pleasures. Any advice on how to do that without hurting their feelings? This is all bringing back memories of an affair I had between marriages 29 years ago. The spiritual connection we had was wonderful, but I broke it off when my job required that I move because I was not really attracted to her that much physically. In retrospect, I see now that in the end, she had to have realized what I didn’t want to say clearly; and been very hurt. Maybe you should do a series of stories about how to (or perhaps maybe how NOT to) have sex with someone you don’t find particularly physical attractive so that feelings are not hurt.

SGI Buddhist, Loves Irish and Latin American Literature, History buff, knows a great deal about Medicare

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