Thank you so very much for the quick turnaround on producing this article! This (and your condom article) was very informative…and liberating. I’ll have to re-assess my aversion to “latex love”.* I’ve always (since the age of reason — which is about 20, I suppose) preferred to establish trust via discussion, make a vow to be monogamous, and then just go for it with non-latex love. I had a vasectomy at a young age after my first child was born, so condoms have always been all about STDs for me. This has worked pretty good for me; but I was lucky to have wives that stayed monogamous for about 34 out of 36 years of marriage. Now that I am single and not interesting in monogamy so much anymore, I figure my luck has run out and I better consider a new approach.
Now a general question for readers:
Do you think many women would be put off by a man insisting on using a dental dam? Would they be shocked? Taken aback? Suspicious? Insulted?
The reason I ask is that it has become customary for men to be expected to wear a condom, but I suspect it is very rare for women to be expected to use a dental dam.
I also suspect that few women have ever considered how insulting this is to men. For women to use the word condom in a sentence without the words dental dam is to say to a man, “I can be trusted to be clean if I say I am clean because I am a woman and this means you better give me good oral sex without any misgivings, but you can’t be trusted to be clean even if you say you are clean because you are a man, so don’t get that dick anyway near me without a condom on it.” Since I greatly dislike hypocrisy and get turned on by trust, respect, and honesty; the whole condom expectation has always bothered me. It also just seemed like an easy cop out for guys who really don’t give a rat’s ass about safe sex and go through the formalities of throwing one on to get things going, but then the first chance they get…ooops…it slips off and they either are ready to be rejected or confident they can convince the women that since they had unprotected sex already they might as well not bother anymore with condoms.
After brainstorming this issue here, I think I’ll stick to my old fashion ways and just hold back on all contact (including kissing) until my potential partner and I commit to monogamy and get tested. If someone I loved decided to be polyamorous, though, I might just have to relent and try out the “latex love” lifestyle. If that day ever arrives, I promise, Sarah Martin, I will re-visit your excellent articles. Thanks again.
*“latex love”: a pejorative term applied to having sex using any kind of condom or dental dam which implies that the pleasure of such sex using said devices will always be inferior to sex experienced without using such devices.