You describe very difficult territory. Men struggle to deeply discuss their feelings and women get very defensive about discussing anything that might imply that the love they imagine they receive from their spouse does not transcend any repression of the husband’s needs that the wife might demand. When the emotional affair my wife was having became too much for her to handle and she “confessed” it to me, part of the discussion led to my willingness to go ahead and let her take the affair physical. Though at first, she thought this would be a wonderful idea, she soon after decided I was a pervert who didn’t really love her anymore. She wasn’t willing to go to counseling or try to abridge the communication gap. The fact that I might be willing to consider an open marriage killed the deal. I’m not devastated by the divorce, but it wasn’t necessary. I feel sorry for her since it seems she has given up on love, and sorry for myself since I now struggle with the issues you raise in this story while I feel each sexless week that goes by is a terrible waste of my few remaining “good” years.